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January 1st, 2012. The Worst Day of My Life and One of the Best Days of Yours
It was late, around 10 o'clock at night. The girl hadn't done much that Sunday- she was on winter break at school so she just hung around doing nothing, and now she was getting ready for bed. She was just messing around on Facebook and posting on TRPG when her parents came into the room. Instantly she knew something was wrong. She stood, walked toward her parents, noticing how white her dad's face was, how her mom's eyes were filled with tears.
"Oh Honey, there's been an accident...Christian's been killed."
Her whole life crashed down into pieces.
She just stood there, numb. "Oh my God." She said, sitting down on her bed, staring straight ahead. "Oh my GOD." She repeated, her voice shaking.
Christian.
Her Christian.
Her cousin. Her best friend. Her substitute brother. Her protecter, Her conspiriter.
Dead.
How could that be? How? He was 18, he couldn't be dead, how in the world could an 18 year old have died so quickly? How could a car accident had taken him away?
"Christian, put on your seatbelt please."
She couldn't count how many times she had said that to him, asking him to, and yet she knew that this time he hadn't. His Bronco hadn't protected him. He wasn't invincible.
Her parents left the room to call her Uncle, and Cassidy closed herself in her bathroom, sliding down onto the floor. The first number she dialed was Laney, her best friend and Christian's crush.
"Laney?"
"Yeah?"
"Oh Laney, Oh my God, oh my god, oh my god...he's dead...Laney, he's dead..."
"Who?!"
"Christian...he...he got killed...in a car accident...oh my god..."
"Come over right now. I'll get you a blanket, you can sleep here tonight. Oh Cass..."
She couldn't go to the hospital. She wouldn't be able to see him there, lying in that hospital bed. Apparently he looked good, just looked like he was sleeping, some dried blood on his forehead. His hair still looked amazing.
Dead.
That night, at Laney's house, she curled up into a ball, all those memories rushing through her head. She couldn't cry, she couldn't let herself cry. That was her job in life, she figured. When her brother Erik had died in a similar situation, she had been there for her father, a cute little baby for him to hold and love, to cheer him up. She would be the same for her family.
At least until the next night.
The whole week flew by in a blur. Halle came over almost every night, and her and Cassidy stayed up just talking about Christian, and about other things too. That first night Cassidy lost it alone in her room, talking to Silver and Fauna on TRPG, bawling her eyes out into her pillow.
She spent some time with her friends, with her friend Jackie at a Con, with her Theater friends at a party. That kept her mind off things. She stayed the night with Alexandre one night. He doesn't understand. When his parents told him that Christian had gone to Heaven, he said, "It's just me now." That broke Cassidy's heart, so she stayed with him, talked with him, danced with him. They had a fun time that night.
January 6th 2012
The day of the funeral, Cassidy got dressed in her nicest clothes, gold and black. Those were Christian's colors, the colors of his favorite football team, the New Orleans Saints. Forever Cassidy will be a fan of them, supporting them for him.
She picked up Laney and drove to the church, Christian's church, the one he had been working at the day he died, teaching the youth group. All around the lobby were pictures of him, his guitar, New Orleans Saints gear, and people. Old people, young people, people Cassidy knew and others she didn't. Beth, Cassidy's old best friend, came, Laney came, all of Christian's friends came. On a television were pictures, a slideshow, showing all those memories that Cassidy had remembered that first night, only in pictures. Her and Christian, babies, sipping from sippy cups, Cassidy's blonde hair just a little wisp while Christian held his hands up, laughing about something.
Her and Christian, older now, at a birthday party.
Her and Christian riding horses.
Her and Christian at Thanksgiving, him hugging her to him as she smiled the widest smile she could.
Their snowball fight
Christmas.
She bit her lip as Laney took her hand comfortingly. She could not cry. Not yet.
She sat in the chair, watching the pictures flash by her eyes, listening to Christians dad and mom speak about the good times, the funny memories. She held strong through the songs, through everything. Only when her grandpa got up and spoke, his voice breaking as he tried not to cry, did her tears fall. They never stopped, not until she got in her car to drive to the reception.
January 26-2012
That girl is back in college, and she still sometimes has a hard time sleeping because memories of him flash through her head. Once, while walking on the beach, she said to herself, "Hey, Christian, remember how you said you'd visit me? Well, I'm gonna give you a tour okay?"
Right above her, a huge pelican came out of nowhere, circling her before traveling slowly in the direction she was walking. She knew he was there.
This week has been hard for her, remembering that he's gone. She read one of her stories back from 8th grade and it brought back memories of him again.
So she decided to write them all down here, where no one can judge her, where she can look back and say, yeah, those were fun times. Writing this may have made her cry, but it also helped her heal just a little bit more. She knows it's going to take a long time, but eventually the grief will fall away and all that's left will be these memories.
The grief she can forget. That can fade away.
But Christian? He won't ever fade away. Not ever.
The girl promises him that she'll take care of Alexandre. That he won't be lonely. That he'll be looked after in a good place.
She promises him that she'll get their ranch back.
She promises him that she won't get pregnant. XD
That she'll have a good life, that she'll do something awesome!
That doesn't mean she won't miss him, but she knows that she has 2 guardian angels now. Erik and Christian would be friends. :)
I love you bud <3
Love,
"Your favorite cousin Cass"
It was late, around 10 o'clock at night. The girl hadn't done much that Sunday- she was on winter break at school so she just hung around doing nothing, and now she was getting ready for bed. She was just messing around on Facebook and posting on TRPG when her parents came into the room. Instantly she knew something was wrong. She stood, walked toward her parents, noticing how white her dad's face was, how her mom's eyes were filled with tears.
"Oh Honey, there's been an accident...Christian's been killed."
Her whole life crashed down into pieces.
She just stood there, numb. "Oh my God." She said, sitting down on her bed, staring straight ahead. "Oh my GOD." She repeated, her voice shaking.
Christian.
Her Christian.
Her cousin. Her best friend. Her substitute brother. Her protecter, Her conspiriter.
Dead.
How could that be? How? He was 18, he couldn't be dead, how in the world could an 18 year old have died so quickly? How could a car accident had taken him away?
"Christian, put on your seatbelt please."
She couldn't count how many times she had said that to him, asking him to, and yet she knew that this time he hadn't. His Bronco hadn't protected him. He wasn't invincible.
Her parents left the room to call her Uncle, and Cassidy closed herself in her bathroom, sliding down onto the floor. The first number she dialed was Laney, her best friend and Christian's crush.
"Laney?"
"Yeah?"
"Oh Laney, Oh my God, oh my god, oh my god...he's dead...Laney, he's dead..."
"Who?!"
"Christian...he...he got killed...in a car accident...oh my god..."
"Come over right now. I'll get you a blanket, you can sleep here tonight. Oh Cass..."
She couldn't go to the hospital. She wouldn't be able to see him there, lying in that hospital bed. Apparently he looked good, just looked like he was sleeping, some dried blood on his forehead. His hair still looked amazing.
Dead.
That night, at Laney's house, she curled up into a ball, all those memories rushing through her head. She couldn't cry, she couldn't let herself cry. That was her job in life, she figured. When her brother Erik had died in a similar situation, she had been there for her father, a cute little baby for him to hold and love, to cheer him up. She would be the same for her family.
At least until the next night.
The whole week flew by in a blur. Halle came over almost every night, and her and Cassidy stayed up just talking about Christian, and about other things too. That first night Cassidy lost it alone in her room, talking to Silver and Fauna on TRPG, bawling her eyes out into her pillow.
She spent some time with her friends, with her friend Jackie at a Con, with her Theater friends at a party. That kept her mind off things. She stayed the night with Alexandre one night. He doesn't understand. When his parents told him that Christian had gone to Heaven, he said, "It's just me now." That broke Cassidy's heart, so she stayed with him, talked with him, danced with him. They had a fun time that night.
January 6th 2012
The day of the funeral, Cassidy got dressed in her nicest clothes, gold and black. Those were Christian's colors, the colors of his favorite football team, the New Orleans Saints. Forever Cassidy will be a fan of them, supporting them for him.
She picked up Laney and drove to the church, Christian's church, the one he had been working at the day he died, teaching the youth group. All around the lobby were pictures of him, his guitar, New Orleans Saints gear, and people. Old people, young people, people Cassidy knew and others she didn't. Beth, Cassidy's old best friend, came, Laney came, all of Christian's friends came. On a television were pictures, a slideshow, showing all those memories that Cassidy had remembered that first night, only in pictures. Her and Christian, babies, sipping from sippy cups, Cassidy's blonde hair just a little wisp while Christian held his hands up, laughing about something.
Her and Christian, older now, at a birthday party.
Her and Christian riding horses.
Her and Christian at Thanksgiving, him hugging her to him as she smiled the widest smile she could.
Their snowball fight
Christmas.
She bit her lip as Laney took her hand comfortingly. She could not cry. Not yet.
She sat in the chair, watching the pictures flash by her eyes, listening to Christians dad and mom speak about the good times, the funny memories. She held strong through the songs, through everything. Only when her grandpa got up and spoke, his voice breaking as he tried not to cry, did her tears fall. They never stopped, not until she got in her car to drive to the reception.
January 26-2012
That girl is back in college, and she still sometimes has a hard time sleeping because memories of him flash through her head. Once, while walking on the beach, she said to herself, "Hey, Christian, remember how you said you'd visit me? Well, I'm gonna give you a tour okay?"
Right above her, a huge pelican came out of nowhere, circling her before traveling slowly in the direction she was walking. She knew he was there.
This week has been hard for her, remembering that he's gone. She read one of her stories back from 8th grade and it brought back memories of him again.
So she decided to write them all down here, where no one can judge her, where she can look back and say, yeah, those were fun times. Writing this may have made her cry, but it also helped her heal just a little bit more. She knows it's going to take a long time, but eventually the grief will fall away and all that's left will be these memories.
The grief she can forget. That can fade away.
But Christian? He won't ever fade away. Not ever.
The girl promises him that she'll take care of Alexandre. That he won't be lonely. That he'll be looked after in a good place.
She promises him that she'll get their ranch back.
She promises him that she won't get pregnant. XD
That she'll have a good life, that she'll do something awesome!
That doesn't mean she won't miss him, but she knows that she has 2 guardian angels now. Erik and Christian would be friends. :)
I love you bud <3
Love,
"Your favorite cousin Cass"
